I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
