what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
