Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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