Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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