I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
