I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
