I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
