I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Bring me that man meat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
