And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
