Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she looked like the before picture.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
