The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
