First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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