oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize