just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
