If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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