i need an iv and a liver transplant
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
