Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
