it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
