Me too!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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