im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
