I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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