the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
