He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
