She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
