You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
