did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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