Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
