you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
