PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
