put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
