The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
