I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
