She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
