All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
