we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
