I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
