I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
