He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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