absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
