I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My vagina is very pro this idea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
