I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
