Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
