I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
