Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
