Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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