I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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