Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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