Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
