Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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