you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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