Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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