I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she told me i tasted like america
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
