i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
