just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
