Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
