I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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