I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize