the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
