I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
