Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
