I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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