I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
