I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
