there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
