Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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