Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
