Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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