I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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