my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
