i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
