I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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