My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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