Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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