Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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