Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?

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(518): View more from New York

I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.

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(650): View more from California

You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Do I really need this much space in my mouth?

(414): View more from Wisconsin

Are you already high?

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(850): View more from Florida

Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.

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(+61): View more from Australia

He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today

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