The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we made out on top of his cat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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