I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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