She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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