Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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