Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
