Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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