Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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