They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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