she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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