I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
