I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
