he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
