i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
