Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
