I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
