Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
