I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
