he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
