I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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