Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
