i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
