I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
