that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
