There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
