Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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