Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
