The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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