pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
