Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize