oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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