in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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